A Daily Undertaker reader commented on What not to say to a grieving person, part 1, and I'd like to share some of her thoughts on this subject:
"It has to be said that it's hard to know what to say to someone recentlybereaved because, as Pat says, nothing will take the pain or hurt away or changeanything however eloquently it has been expressed.It's hardlysurprising then that some people just avoid the bereaved person altogethersimply because they don't know what to say and will actively go out of their wayto avoid them.I don't actually blame them because it's so trickyto offer condolences at all.Having been told in all sincerity, not 24 hoursafter my husband died,'Never mind, he's gone to a better place now!',I replied without thinking,'No, he's not ~ he's dead!'Even though Iwas numbed beyond belief by grief and booze, I felt the collective gasp ofunease ripple through the room as I said what I said and I immediately feltguilty which I know in my heart is not what the person who uttered those wordswould have wanted.I still feel guilty about that years later and in my mindI know that person still see's me as someone who doesn't 'take prisoners' orsuffer fools gladly and I feel somehow the 'guilty' party for my instinctivereaction.It's a shame that I think this way but that's just me, we allreact differently but I'd rather have had that person's company and misguidedattempt at comfort than not at all because at the end of the day, it washeartfelt and his heart was indeed in the right place!It's important toknow that there are NO right things to saybut you can never know how muchthe bereaved needs and appreciates your support and company....even if it allcomes out wrong,just being there is enough.We all lose somebodyclose to us in the end,it's a fact of life we'd rather not face. " -T.D.