Death in a Monastery

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/destinations/2007-11-20-mo-monastery-getaway_N.htm

Conception Abbey in Conception, Mo.

Death in a Monastery
In the last 7-8 months we have had two deaths in our monastery, both of whom had been members of our community for many years. About a year or so ago Father Frowin gave a retreat to (the) oblates who were able to attend, based on St. Benedict’s statement in his Rule: “Day by day remind yourself that you are going to die.” Or as some translations put it: “Keep death daily before your eyes.”

What is it like when a monk dies in the monastery?

Father Malachy was 94 years old and had lived in our infirmary for about ten years. About a month before he died we could see that his health was deteriorating. He fell a few times when trying to get up from his chair or trying to walk and began to want smaller amounts to eat. Finally he was bedfast and had to be taken care of while in bed. Monks of the community were in and out of his room many times throughout the day. Many of them would pray with him and many times Father Malachy wanted a blessing if it was a priest or he would give others his blessing. Finally the last day or so he was in a coma and could not respond to those who came and went. Father Malachy in his later years always liked to have a Root Beer float. Only about a day before he died he asked for one of these and when we brought it to him he drank the whole thing. When he died there were at least 2-3 monks with him and the prayers for the dying had been prayed. Other monks were in the infirmary. It was a peaceful and happy death with the community present.

http://osboblates.blogspot.com/2008/11/death-in-monastery.html

Fr. Regis Probstfield

On November 4th Father Regis Probstfield went to his eternal reward. He too had taken up residence in the infirmary even though he was only 77 years old. His heart was failing and he was becoming weaker and weaker. On the afternoon of November 4th he had a doctor appointment in St. Joseph. The doctor thought he should probably be admitted to the hospital but Father Regis wanted to return home. He came home very tired and sat in his recliner to relax and rest. He asked the nurse that evening to bring supper to him in his room. She brought it and then left for a while. When she returned he was lying across the bed and having a great deal of difficulty trying to get his breath. She immediately called me as director of the infirmary. I went over and saw that he was dying and immediately called the Abbot out of the refectory. He was dead by the time the Abbot arrived but we prayed the prayers for the dying. He too was ready for death, as he mentioned a number of times and had a peaceful death. None of the community was with him when he actually died but we were soon there to pray for him.

Certainly we mourn and miss our confreres who pass on to eternity. We have known them for many years and have been their friends and brothers. But, with our faith we try to express our belief that the confrere has gone on to where we are all hoping to go – the kingdom of heaven.

Our Funerals Are Simple

Our funerals are simple. We make our own wooden coffins in our carpenter shop and the monks are buried in their monastic habit and cuculla. Those who are priests also have a stole put on them. The funeral director picks up the body after we clean it and he embalms and clothes the body. He brings it back to the Abbey where we keep vigil until the time of the funeral. The funeral director does not come for the actual funeral as we lead the body in procession to the cemetery for burial. Very briefly this is our procedure for the death and burial of one of our confreres. Let us pray for all our monks who have died and also for our oblates who have gone to their eternal reward

-from the Conception Abbey Blog http://osboblates.blogspot.com/2008/11/death-in-monastery.html

Dear God....

Together Forever

http://cosmicblob.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_archive.html

When I was an apprentice, the directors told me a story that has shaped the way I view funerals and family requests to this day.

Sometimes it happens that two people who are very close die at nearly the same time. Maybe it's just the odds, like an adoptive couple concieving a child, or maybe once one dies, the other loses the will to continue. Whatever the case, we've all heard of times when one spouse dies and a week or month later, the other passes away too.In this case, a mother and child passed away within a day of each other. The child was an adult with a profoud developmental disability, and had been cared for lovingly for many years by her mother. The two were inseperable and their survivors wished to have the two buried as they had lived- together. Not only did the family want them in the same grave, but in the same casket. They asked their funeral director to help them with this and were told that it was illegal, and the funeral home could not assist them with their request.

http://davidsonmarbleandgranite.com/markers/images/together_forever_1293.jpg


Undeterred, the family called upon another funeral home and encountered a different attitude. Our funeral director told them that he would investigate, and that if it was possible they would follow the family's wishes.

As it turned out, the request was unusual, but did not violate any laws or regulations, and as long as the family members approved (they did,) mother and daughter could be together.

The directors embalmed the mother with her arm out so that she could hug her daughter close to her, and they were placed together in an oversize casket for their service and burial.

What was the difference between the two funeral directors? One saw a problem that wasn't worth pursuing, and the other saw the beauty and love behind this unusual request. They couldn't promise at first that it would be possible, but it was certainly worth trying. That mother and daughter were worth it and that family with the unusual request were worth it too.

You Can Take it With You

http://www.thaiworldview.com/hongkong/religion/ancestor.htm

Paper house for burning

They say that you can't take it with you when you die. Well, I'm here to tell you that you can. Many times, families ask me if they can place some special item in the casket along with their loved one. I tell them that not only can they, I encourage people to place something special in the casket- especially children. Children feel loss just as we do, but they are often not as skilled at expressing their feelings. It can mean a lot for a child to place a special toy, or photo, a drawing or a letter in grandma's casket. If there are several grandchildren who'd like to do this, we can even make a moving ceremony out of placing the special items. This helps children acknowlege and work through their grief, and it helps adults too.

http://www.metafilter.com/19807/

Joss money for the afterlife (yes that's LBJ on the front)

I have assisted families in placing many things in caskets; fishing poles, photos, cigarettes and beer, jewelry and handkerchiefs, masonic aprons, blankets, candy and playing cards, even the cremated remains of pets and spouses. Sometimes it's a private thing that no one else knows about, sometimes it's a public ritual, but it always makes the family feel better. They feel that they have done one last thing for their loved one, and that somehow, in some way that person knows it and is smiling.

I know how they feel, because during my work, I feel that I am doing something for the deceased- that I am giving them one last gift of caring. It makes me feel good, and I think that somehow, somewhere, that person knows that they were treated with reverence.

This tradition of sending gifts along with the deceased has probably taken place as long as people were people. The earliest graves that have been found bear traces of tools, flowers, and other items intended for the next world. Certainly the Ancient Egyptians are well known for the lavish gifts entombed with their pharohs. The ancient Greeks placed a coin in the mouth of the deceased to pay for their soul to be ferried across the river Styx.

An ancient tradition that exists to this day is the burning of Joss money or

'Hell Bank Notes'

http://www.cachecoins.org/hellnotes.htm

These are notes used in traditional Asian ancestor veneration to ensure that spirits have lots of good things in the afterlife. These bank notes are well known for their outrageously large denominations and most feature an image of the Jade Emperor, and his Western signature (Yu Wong, or Yuk Wong) countersigned by Yan luo, King of Hell (Yen Loo). The back of each bill usually features an image of the bank of Hell. Some bills will depict famous or mythological people instead.
In Chinese mythology, the name of hell does not carry a negative connotation. The hell they refer to is Di Yu (underground hold/court). Di Yu is a maze of underground levels and chambers where souls are taken to atone for their earthly sins. The popular story is that the word hell was introduced to China by Christian missionaries, who preached that all non-Christian Chinese people would "go to hell" when they died. It was then believed that the word "Hell" was the proper English term for the afterlife. Some notes omit the word "hell" and sometimes will replace it with "heaven" or "paradise".
These notes often depict different images for decoration or to convey symbolic information. There are several ways to send Spirit Money to one's departed relatives -- it can be thrown to the winds during the funeral procession, left on a grave at any time, or burned in ceremonial fires. -from http://www.cachecoins.org/hellnotes.htm

Burning paper models - from Mercedes-Benz cars to houses - is a common practice at funerals in Taiwan. As many Taiwanese people believe the world spirits go to in the afterlife is a mirror of the human world, they also believe that the departed require a place to live, food to eat and money. Burning an object at a funeral in the human world transports it to the spirit world, which keeps the ghost of the departed happy and brings luck to the living.
"The tradition can be traced back to the Tang dynasty," says Tseng Kuang-hsing (曾光興), owner of Jixing Paper Art Co (吉興紙藝有限公司).

-from http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/feat/archives/2007/11/25/2003389548

http://www.homsisdiscount.com/beer.html

Beer is an item that is often placed in caskets by loved ones in Wisconsin

My wife has a very specific list of things that she wants to go with her. She wants her purse, a note pad, pencil, pen, Chanel No. 5 powder, compact, lipstick, handkerchief, gum, her pillow, a bottle of water, the New York Times, her shoes, the key to the casket, a small shovel, and a copy of Proust's Remembrance of Things Past- as she will finally have a chance to read it.

Of all the things people send along, and sometimes they are a bit sheepish and ask me if their items seem unusual, the only thing that has surprised me is how many people put mashmallow Peeps in the casket. I never knew anyone actually ate those things, much less loved them enough to take them along to the bosom of Abraham. One thing is for sure, they'll last for a long long time.

http://thegazz.com/gblogs/bloginmysoup/2008/03/10/cooking-with-peeps/

Indian Village Funeral Car

http://richardarunachala.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/south-india-village-funeral/

As I wrote in my post on funeral processions, you don't need a Cadillac or Lincoln Hearse for a proper funeral procession. What is important is that the vehicle is special and chosen for a reason. This vehicle being prepared to transport a beloved South Indian Village woman to her cremation certainly qualifies.

http://richardarunachala.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/south-india-village-funeral/

After the wood frame is built and attached to the car, bamboo sticks covered with flowers are bent and inserted into the frame.

http://richardarunachala.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/south-india-village-funeral/


Finally, the vehicle is complete and ready to transport this woman ceremoniously to the place of her cremation- Beautiful!

-the photos and information used in this post come from a very intersting blog on South Indian Village Life. For more information on this funeral visit the blog at http://richardarunachala.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/south-india-village-funeral/

Natural Burials in South Australia

http://www.cringel.com/taxonomy/term/38,33

South Australia has joined NSW, Victoria and Tasmania in offering a site for natural burials.
Urban Development Minister Paul Holloway said the state's first natural burial ground would be established at Enfield Memorial Park in Adelaide's northern suburbs later this year.
It allows for bodies to be prepared without chemical preservatives and then buried in a biodegradable casket or a shroud.
The grave is marked with a native tree or shrub rather than a headstone or monument.
"Over time the bushland created by the new burial ground will become a living and lasting natural memorial," Mr Holloway Natural burials were first introduced in the United Kingdom in the early 1990s.
-from The Age .Com http://news.theage.com.au/national/south-australia-to-offer-natural-burials-20081022-5663.html

Link to Obama in Everett, WA Cemetery

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/33359859.html

EVERETT, Wash- Spend a few minutes talking with Jim Shipman and it's obvious that he is passionate about history So, when he retired five years ago he started to research Civil War veterans buried here at Evergreen Cemetery He easily points out markers for those who fought in the war, and other local historical figures such as Emma Yule, the first school principal in Everett Then a fellow researcher gave him a name: Rachel Wolfley "I had a name, I looked it up and I found her buried here," Shipman said. The simple grave marker is spelled incorrectly as "Walfley""How that happened nobody knows," Shipman said of the spelling error "But in 1911, this is just another person "But now, nearly a century later, she's not just another person And it's not her name that makes her famous -- it's that of her great-great-great grandson "I pulled up Barack Obama's genealogy and there she was, floating around in the sixth generation back," Shipman said Wolfley lived in Everett for four years with her daughter and son-in-law and, in the nearly 100 years since her burial, the concrete marker has been here, tucked away and unnoticed "This marker had sunk down and it was covered with grass we had to dig down to find it," Shipman said When he found it, Shipman said his first reaction was one of surprise: "I thought, 'Wow!' The odds are like a needle in a large haystack."Everett Public Library Historian David Dilgard said it was exciting to find a new local historical connection."We always describe this cemetery as being sort of a biographical encyclopedia of the community, and so anytime someone noteworthy comes to our attention, we're always excited about it," Dilgard said.Shipman is raising money to replace the grave marker with a more permanent one that spells Wolfley's name correctly.

-from KOMO News, Seattle http://www.komonews.com/news/local/33359859.html

Roadside Memorials

Photo: Stephen Chalmer

http://www.humanflowerproject.com/index.php/weblog/in_a_drive_by_world/

HOCKESSIN, Del. — Once a week, Lyn Forester gets down on her knees, clears the cigarette butts, candy wrappers and beer cans away from the base of a stark wooden cross and holds a quiet vigil for her daughter, who was killed here in a car accident eight years ago.
Her ankles dangling from the curb as tractor-trailers hurtle past just feet away, Mrs. Forester says she knows it is both dangerous and illegal to visit this three-foot-wide median along Highway 141 near Wilmington, Del. But she cannot stay away.
"This is where my daughter's spirit was last," Mrs. Forester said, straightening up the plastic flowers and Christmas tree cuttings potted at the base of the shrine for her daughter, Jenni. "I'm more drawn to this spot than I am even to the cemetery where we keep her remains."
Roadside memorials like Mrs. Forester's have become so numerous, and so distracting and dangerous, highway officials say, that more and more states are trying to regulate them. Some, like Montana and California, allow the memorials, but only if alcohol was a factor in the crash. Others, like Wisconsin and New Jersey, limit how long the memorials can remain in place.
Now, in a move that is being watched by other states, Delaware is taking a different approach, establishing a memorial park near a highway exit in hopes of discouraging the roadside shrines. The park will include a reflection pool and red bricks — provided free to the loved ones of highway accident victims — with names inscripted to honor the dead.
Often called "descansos," a Spanish word for "resting places," roadside memorials are most common in the American Southwest. Most researchers believe they descend from a Spanish tradition in which pallbearers left stones or crosses to mark where they rested as they carried a coffin by foot from the church to the cemetery. Because of this heritage, the memorials are protected in New Mexico as "traditional cultural properties" by the state's Historic Preservation Division.
Sylvia Grider, a folklorist and anthropologist at Texas A&M University who has studied the history of the memorials, said their rising popularity in the United States was part of a growing acceptance of public mourning.
"Something happened in American culture when the Vietnam Wall went up and there was an outpouring of offerings in front of it that no one was expecting," Ms. Grider said. "It became more acceptable to express personal grief in these public areas."

-from NY Times. for the full article, visit-
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/06/national/06shrine.html?pagewanted=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1226332812-aQEksy2BE4q8ssYG0ZjlUg

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/06/national/06shrine.html?pagewanted=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1226332812-aQEksy2BE4q8ssYG0ZjlUg

WINNIPEG - For those grieving the death of a loved one, usually in a traffic accident, a roadside memorial is more than a collection of teddy bears and candles. It's sacred ground. But for many others, the make-shift shrines are eyesores and dangerous distractions that need an expiration date.
The emotional issue of whether time limits should be imposed on public grieving has landed squarely at the door of Canadian municipalities. The Toronto-area suburb of Vaughan has proposed keeping an inventory of memorials and requiring that they be taken down after a year.
Calgary has commissioned an academic study to determine how people feel about the shrines and whether they affect driver behaviour. Officials in Prince Albert, Sask., were criticized this summer for considering a policy that would require a memorial be taken down three months after a person's death.
Now Winnipeg is reviewing the rules about how long remembrances of a departed friend or family member should stay in place. Community discussion boards are abuzz with debates about whether it's appropriate to put candles, crosses and flowers by the side of roads. One blogger has argued that such memorials are a good reminder to drive carefully. Another finds them "distasteful to the max."
The person with the latter view wrote: "I have asked my loved ones to ensure that no such memorial goes up in the event that I die an untimely death. A tombstone in a cemetery somewhere will suffice for me."
Still another voice: "People grieve in their own ways, and it doesn't really hurt me to let them. I'm willing to overlook an eyesore if it's helping someone get over the loss. How selfish is it not to?" -from The Candaian Press. for the full text, visit- http://www.thecanadianpress.com/

http://pruned.blogspot.com/2006/02/roadsidememorialamericacom.html




http://members.tripod.com/jwhiting/descanso19.html



http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/10/26/america/wyoming.php
Wyoming's State Sponsored Roadside Memorials

LARAMIE, Wyoming: In a small storage shed tucked behind a highway maintenance facility in Wyoming, dozens of monuments to the state's dead motorists lie stacked against one another like discarded props from an old movie set waiting to be used again.
Some are made from wood, others from steel bars or wire, but all the memorials are vestiges of a new statewide effort to remove them from public roads.
"I think they would make a remarkable art exhibit," said Ross Doman, a public liaison officer for the State Department of Transportation, running his hands over a large wooden cross bearing the name of Monte Robbins, who was killed nearly a decade ago on an interstate highway east of Laramie.
Wyoming started enforcing a ban on roadside memorials more than five years ago, after they began appearing so often that transportation officials felt they could distract and obstruct drivers in a dangerous way.

Bob Jaure, a maintenance area supervisor, remembers the midsummer night two years ago when he was called to a gruesome scene along an interstate highway east of the town of Sinclair, in the south-central part of the state. A trucker, Slavik Gutsuliak, had drifted off the road and skidded down an embankment. The truck caught fire and was incinerated before Gutsuliak could escape. A few months later, a charcoal-hued headstone appeared in the median near where Gutsuliak had died. It bore a painting of a youthful face and the words, "We love, we remember, we grieve," inscribed in Russian.
Under the removal policy, the headstone was taken down and has been sitting in the back of a nearby transportation station ever since. A victim's family, in claiming a monument, can then ask the Transportation Department to affix near the crash site a wooden post attached to a small sign of a broken heart and a white dove. The department has offered to put up these public memorials without cost and leave them up for five years, at which point a family can choose to have a new sign erected for a one-time fee of $50.
So far, there have been 282 requests for public memorials, but not everyone agrees that they suffice. Kerry Shatto's son Shane died at the age of 19 in one of the state's most notorious accidents. He and seven other University of Wyoming cross-country runners were killed after a drunken driver plowed into their Jeep Wagoneer on a two-lane highway 17 miles, or 28 kilometers, south of here in 2001. A week later, Shatto built a cross six feet, or more than one meter and 80 centimeters, tall, with the eight runners' first names inscribed. He planted the sign at the site of the accident. Fellow runners strung their sneakers around the cross, others left medals they had won at meets, and the memorial was featured in Sports Illustrated.
Last month, the Transportation Department told Shatto it would be taken down. "I wanted to keep these boys alive in people's minds whenever they went by that spot," Shatto said. "It feels like they're being killed all over again." Shatto, who has since picked up the memorial, said he planned to ask about replanting the cross on private property that abuts the accident site.
Doman, the Transportation Department liaison, said he understood Shatto's grief. He helped pry the cross from the ground. At first, the department had planned to keep the memorials for only six months. Now, it will try to hold on to them until they are picked up, as long as that may be.
"It would be pretty difficult to throw these away," Doman said.

-for the full article, visit -http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/10/26/america/wyoming.php

They Bury Horses, Don't They?

http://www.ivyhousefloral-designs.co.uk/sympathy%20page%202.htm

http://claibornefarm.com/media/

It is a well known fact that some people are more attached to their animal friends than to human members of their families. Horses, and especially Race Horses, engender some very deep attachments with their owners, jockeys, and fans. Recently, racehorse Princess Rooney, was offered a burial place of honor at the Kentucky Horse Park. She will join the many other celebrated horses that are memorialized there. The first horse to get this treatment was Man 'O' War.

http://claibornefarm.com/media/

Known as "Big Red," this legendary chestnut Thoroughbred was born in 1917 and raced in 1919 and 1920. Man O' War passed away on November 1, 1947 after suffering a heart attack. More than two thousand people attended the funeral, which was broadcast by radio. The great stallion was the first horse to be embalmed and he lay in state for several days in a specially made casket lined with his racing colors (black and gold), the first horse ever buried this way. http://www.personal.psu.edu/staff/k/a/kah19/manowar.htm

http://claibornefarm.com/media/