Ashes on the Sea: A conversation with Ken and Anya Shortridge

Ashes on the Sea is a San Diego based company that has been providing ocean scatterings of cremated remains since 1997.  Proprietors, Ken and Anya Shortridge are leaders in their field, and have helped many families to create meaningful and memorable rituals in scattering their loved ones remains at sea.  They have graciously agreed to share a conversation about their work on The Daily Undertaker:   

Ocean Scattering Ceremony

Pat McNally: Have you seen an increase in the number of people who choose to scatter at sea since starting your service?

Ken & Anya:  Yes, undeniably. 

PM: What are some of the ways people choose to place the ashes into the sea?  Could you describe for us how this takes place?

K&A:

• This is usually one of the first questions families ask us about. On most of our services, the family chooses the “basket” method. The ashes are placed in a lined basket – we have plastic liners as well as the basket can be lined with green plant leaves. The ashes are placed in the basket. Rose petals are then placed over the top of the ashes. We usually arrange the basket as soon as the family begins boarding, as the basket is really quite lovely to look at while motoring out, much nicer than a temporary urn. We have a mechanism attached to our baskets which allow the basket to be lowered down into the water, and then just beneath the water line the basket is tipped. The ashes flow out, the rose petals float to the top for a beautiful display. This method also minimizes issues with the ashes blowing back into the boat and onto the guests.
• There are various biodegradable urns on the market, such as Journey Earthurns, Shell urns, Batesville urns, just to name a few. Sometimes the family comes to us with one they have already purchased. We also have them available for purchase if that is what the family wants. The urn is placed in the water, or lowered down. It usually does not take long for the urn to sink. Flowers are then placed in the water afterward, giving everyone a display to look at. This method is usually chosen by families whose religious beliefs require the ashes to all go in together, not scattered. Other families choose this when they are particularly sensitive to seeing the ashes at all.
• Other families choose a vase to pour out the ashes, instead of using the plastic bag inside their urn. The ashes are transferred from the urn into the vase, rose petals are placed on top, and at the location of disposition, are poured out. This actually allows for some very ornate “ash clouds” beneath the water, especially when visibility is very good.
• One of the most unique methods using the basket we have seen is where the family puts the ashes in the basket, but then passes the basket around to the whole family. Each family dips into the ashes with either their bare hands or by using a sea shell and scatters the ashes like that…

Ken and Anya Shortridge

PM: For many of your clients, is this the only memorial ceremony they will participate in?  What percent have already and a funeral or memorial service?

K&A: Our families come from both sides of that story. We don’t have an actual percentage, but would estimate about 75% of families have already had a previous service. Now they just want something simple for the very immediate family. On the other hand, in 2010 we noticed and increase in families coming to us where this is the first and only service. We are hoping that, by providing funeral directors with detailed information about our services and developing a trusted relationship, they will be able to set it up from the outset, especially when they know that the family is planning to scatter the ashes. Families may feel rushed to come to a decision quickly, leading to more than one service. But if that is what they want, more power to them. Of course, in today’s economy, it may be more cost effective to hold one service.

Waters of the Pacific Ocean

PM: Do you work along with funeral homes, or do families usually come to you after the funeral home’s involvement is over with?

K&A: Most of our families come to us after the cremation has taken place or is scheduled to take place. We initiated a project in 2009 which generates a “final disposition” letter to each funeral home that originally served our families. This has resulted in much more interest directly from funeral homes. The letter contains the decedent name, date of death and a copy of the disposition information, including GPS coordinates, for the funeral home file. We think it is important for this information to be kept in the file at the funeral home, because if family members come looking for information about the decedent in the future, the funeral home is the most likely place where they will look first. 

PM: I see that you work in conjunction with Eternal Reefs- what type of services do you offer along this line and what have been your experiences with it?

K&A: We are an Eternal Reefs provider and have gone back to Florida to train with George and the crew for some exciting projects that we aren’t at liberty to discuss yet J. We can say that our five-weeks of experience back east were extremely exciting. We were able to take part in every step of the Eternal Reefs process: The casting, where the families come and help to build the Eternal Reef ball. We got to see a military honors for one family, which takes place when the reef balls are being loaded onto the vessel. Also, the dedication and placement, where we joined the families in placing the reef balls at sea. In our years of experience with the different ways to have a “burial at sea,” the Eternal Reefs process and service involves families the most. All of the families disembarking the boat after the placement were very satisfied and happy. 

Eternal Reefs Project

PM: What is the value for families in participating in a service like yours?  What kind of benefits have you seen, or comments do you receive?

K&A: The peace on the water has to be one of the biggest benefits. The feeling of being out at sea in the wide open fresh air brings a sense of relief and calm that you cannot experience in a room or next to a gravesite. Rarely has a family come back to the dock gloomy. On the contrary, they are laughing, appreciative, and even taking pictures with the captain and boat.

Financially speaking, scattering at sea is one of the lowest cost disposition choices.

“This is just what he (she) would have wanted” and “This is exactly what we were looking for” are comments we receive all of the time. We have a drawer full of thank you cards and notes, emails, and Google Places messages sent from the families. Many of our families keep in touch with us because they have become like family. We often get families who come back to us years later when the need arises again…

Biodegradable Wreath

PM: Have you seen any changes in the types of ceremonies or the level of family participation in services since you started in 1997?

K&A: For sure. Families want to participate much more, and more often now call with specific ideas and plans. Frequently, the family wants more guidance (It is typical to hear “I have never done something like this before”), and we provide that to them. We present each family with our “Family-led Services” booklet that helps guide them in the direction they feel is right.

Sometimes families want to involve their children, but they do not know how. We recommend involving the kids from the beginning, based on age and maturity. We often suggest creating a biodegradable wreath together, and provide step by step photo of how to make one. Another way to encourage participation in the service is to have family members, including children, compile photos and memorabilia for scrapbooks and other memory projects which can be brought to display on the boat. The “unique” service is really becoming the norm. Families are more particular in the way they honor their loved one. And that is the way it should be!

Cremated Remains wrapped in a water soluble material are released into the sea 

PM: Have any families made requests that surprised you or inspired you to broaden your range of offerings?

K&A: Absolutely! We are all across the board with this one. A few years back we had a family that brought a detailed, balsa wood model of Viking Ship. They envisioned putting the ashes in it and lighting the wooden boat on fire. They wrote notes on rice paper, put little biodegradable trinkets in the boat. We scattered the ashes and then let the boat sail away… Since then we always suggest the rice paper notes to our families and it goes over really well. Rice paper is a food product and thus is biodegradable.

PM: In my work as an undertaker, I often see a sort of emotional arc taking place with  a lot of emotional tension building up before and during a service, which is released towards the end and at the grave, or reception following the service.  Have you noticed anything like this in your work? 

A wake of flowers and ash

K&A: Generally speaking, people come to us in a good state of mind. The emotion comes out almost surprisingly when the boat gets on location and while the ashes are being scattered. There is almost always at least a span of 10-15 minutes or so of complete silence, reflection, and tears. Great emotional outbursts are not common. Lots of tender embraces, sighs, and bringing up old stories are the norm. On the way back in, things are usually pretty happy and jovial. You could say that it is usually more solemn headed out, and at peace coming back in.

PM: In your opinion, are funeral homes currently providing families with the kind of services that are meaningful and helpful to them?  Do you have any ideas on how we could do a better job?

K&A: Honestly, we don’t know what all funeral homes are offering, but we’ve definitely noticed a shift in various funeral publications and blogs focusing on the need for change in the industry. The current financial situation, as well as changes in consumer  beliefs/feelings as to what is a “proper” funeral, requires all of us in this industry to look at other ways to create streams of income while still serving the needs of families. This is one reason why we do not have a hard and fast “service.”

You will be glad to hear that almost every family that comes to us is satisfied with the service they received at the funeral home. This is good.

Can we speak frankly? Here is our main frustration: Although we don’t “know” this to be true, we “feel” as if we may be looked upon as competition. But there are so many ways we can actually compliment the services offered by the funeral homes, and our services are always discounted to funeral homes. So, the funeral home has a choice to either let the family call us directly, or sell the service on the spot. The latter is what we would like to see happen, so that the family doesn’t have to talk to so many people and the flow of information and discussion runs smoothly from beginning to end.

We have flyers (PDFs) all ready for funeral homes to be handed to the families for each of our boats and services.

Most of our families that come to us have found us on their own using Google, meaning when they left the funeral home they did not know which direction to go. Perhaps the funeral home did not know of the family’s wishes for a scattering at sea. Or is it that the F.H. did not know how to educate the family on their choices? Do most funeral homes feel their job is “done” at cremation? We don’t know. We would like to know. In any case, we believe we would all benefit from more of collaboration, and it is the families who will benefit the most.

On the Sea

PM: You operate in a kind of niche market and must function as a kind of ‘destination’ business as well.  I imagine that not everyone would entertain the idea of an ocean scattering, but that those who do become passionate about it.  Similarly, many who live in landlocked areas may never even consider this option.

Do you have many clients who come a great distance to use your services?

K&A: Yes! We have had people email us or call us from England, the Netherlands, Germany, and other countries. The one that stands out in our minds, though, is the little lady who came all the way from Japan. Her husband’s favorite destination was San Diego. She came in on the flight with his small urn, went out on the service, and then flew back home the same day. On the other hand, most of our out of state services come from Arizona & Texas, coastal California being one of the closest and most temperate vacation spots for nearby states. Last reporting year, 4 of our services came from outside of the U.S.

PM:  Do you see death care as fragmenting out into more individualized niche options in the future?

K&A: Yes, it is really the way things are going. Green Burial, Home Funerals, Burial at Sea, and even more creative options are already here or coming (Turn your loved one’s ashes into a record album?)

PM:  What do you find to be the most beautiful or powerful part of an ocean scattering experience, and why should people consider it for themselves or loved ones?  

K&A: There are so many powerful elements to a service at sea. Let’s start with the sea itself! The sea is dynamic. It always changes and is never the same. The diverse sea life we are privileged to see changes each time we go out, and from season to season. Often seagulls come down to inspect the rose petals. We have seen large flocks of pelicans diving for sardines as the dolphins are feeding from below. We have had the dolphin come over to see what is going on wanting to play with the boat.

It is interesting that each family finds special meaning and comfort by the things they see and experience while on this journey.

More on beauty and power: Certainly, the family coming together and speaking about their loved one is a most powerful facet of the service. We have had families come together who may not have been getting along before this day. On land, you can “escape.” Not so on the ocean. There is nowhere to go. This is a good thing! A powerful thing. The ocean brings them together.

Too, when the ashes are scattered, they create a beautiful underwater cloud, with the flowers, rose petals or wreath floating on top. No “ash cloud” is ever the same. It may surprise some of your readers to visualize an “ash cloud” being beautiful, but we have found it to be so.

The peace and tranquility of the ocean, the water lapping at the boat, the swaying of the ocean lends itself to the quiet reflection of all the family as we just drift a while and watch the flowers float on and away.

It may be fitting to end with a quote from Ken from chapter 4 of the book “Grave Matters, A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial” by Mark Harris, Dec 9, 2008

“You’re on this wide open sea on a beautiful day. Birds are flying overhead; sometimes dolphin are swimming alongside the boat. Only once in the thirteen years that I’ve been leading scatterings at sea has a family ever returned to the dock afterwards with tears in their eyes. It’s a totally different atmosphere than you have at a land-based funeral.”

My Thanks to Ken and Anya for sharing their experiences and insights.  Please visit their website for more information.  Please also visit their partner, Eternal Reefs to learn about their amazing Reef Ball projects.

For more on Ocean Scattering follow the link below for a story about ocean scattering from the perspective of a family member:

Ashes and Sea

Making Cemeteries Relevant, Lees + Associates

The Woodlands Memorial Garden

 There is perhaps no more important place for the arts to have an impact than at cemeteries.  Creative designs based on a deep understanding of the needs of the grieving and the stories of the departed make an enormous difference in the lasting impact and relevance of a cemetery.  In order to be relevant to their families and communities,  cemeteries need to create spaces and memorials designed to appeal to families, not to groundskeepers. In this series, "Making Cemeteries Relevant" I highlight the work of cemetery innovators.  I am very pleased to present in this installment, the moving work of landscape architects, Lees + Associates, and to share a conversation with Erik Lees.

Pat McNally: When most people think of cemetery projects, they often envision something cold and formal.  Something you may need, but wouldn’t necessarily get excited about.  Your work is different.  In the nature of the projects your firm has been involved in, and the responsiveness of your designs to the stories behind the grounds, and the people who will visit there, I find something very compelling.

What is it about your approach to a project that results in the very personal and human quality of the end result?

Erik Lees: Our approach is collaborative. I think that is one of the reasons the cemeteries we design have a unique character and feel. Working closely with cemetery managers, sales and field workers means that we are able to capture the “site intelligence” that our firm alone could never acquire. We also strive for meaningfulness in our work, in fact it is a common refrain around our office. This means not only a direct relationship with the unique physical qualities of the cemetery, but a thorough understanding of the community, demographics and their interment and memorialization preferences and patterns.

The Royal Oak Green Burial Area

PM: Your firm has been involved in many very interesting and prestigious projects.  In our time here, I’d like to specifically discuss four:  The Royal Oak Green Burial Area, The Woodlands Memorial Garden, the Doukhobor Commemorative Site, and the Mountain View Cemetery Masonic Area Redevelopment.  Each of these projects presented unique challenges, to which creative, humane responses were made.

Let’s start with the green burial area at Royal Oak.  Often the idea of a green cemetery is one where a parcel of land is left to natural forces to determine what changes are made to the landscape.  Often the reality, at least in the UK where the green burial movement has had its biggest impact, is an unattractive and chaotic row upon row of memorial plantings.  While the deceased may have wished to have no permanent marker, survivors often feel differently.  The approach at Royal Oak is different, combining a planned layout with green values.  Please tell us about your approach and design parameters for this project. 

The Royal Oak Green Burial Area

EL: We had three primary objectives when Stephen Olson (Royal Oak Burial Park Manager) asked us to work with him on the Green Burial Area: optimize space utilization, maximize habitat value and create a rich, meaningful experience for those that choose green burial. Our approach is that green burial should not consume more land than traditional burial, so we platted the site at a density roughly equivalent to the rest of the cemetery. In this way the yield in terms of the # of graves per acre was optimized and the financial returns for the cemetery were approximately the same as for traditional burial. Each grave is planted with native shrubs and ground covers and certain graves also accommodate a native tree. This approach will see the habitat value of the green burial area meet or exceed that of the adjacent natural west coast forest. It will also create a feeling that is unique to this part of the world – further enhancing the meaning to this space. One of the challenges with green burial is the manner and method of memorialization. At Royal Oak we created a series of 9 communal memorial stones in basalt where the names of those interred will be inscribed. Basalt is native to British Columbia, takes a beautiful inscription and fits very well with the native plantings. This combination of materials creates a sense of place that few other cemeteries enjoy.

The Royal Oak Green Burial Area

PM: I was deeply moved by your work at Woodlands Memorial Garden.  People who are developmentally disabled have historically been so marginalized, that there is a great satisfaction in seeing this kind of memoriaization, albeit long after the deaths of many of the commemorated residents of this facility.  The integration of the old markers is particularly telling and moving.  What challenges and inspirations did you find in this project?

The Woodlands Memorial Garden

EL: There were so many challenges with this project, but great projects are rarely simple!

The headstones from this 2 acre cemetery had been removed over 40 years ago, some of which were just dumped in a ravine, some were used for patio stones and a retaining wall – as sacrilegious as this may seem.  Our task was to repatriate those stones to the cemetery site, but in the absence of accurate records, we were not able to definitively say where each headstone belonged, hence our decision to incorporate them in to a series of walls. The other challenge was that we only found 900 of the 3200 headstones, so we had to devise a system to acknowledge and remember all those that were buried there, not just those whose names were on the headstones we found. As with all our projects we undertook thorough research and during that process found inspiration in the history of the institution and even more so: the stories of those who lived there. 

The Woodlands Memorial Garden

One of the most compelling stories was how many of the children were housed in dormitories with windows too high to see out of. We decided to create a “window too high” and although it is far more literal than we might otherwise choose, it proved to be a very powerful icon in the garden and one around which visitors had their picture taken. 

The Woodlands Memorial Garden

PM: The Doukhobor Commemorative Site is a site that marks a tragic period of separation, rather than the physical resting place of the families it memorializes.  In this site you were able to communicate the story of a community torn apart to those intimately familiar with it, and to those who have never heard of it in a compelling and sensitive manner.  It seems to me that you were also very responsive to the cultural touchstones of the Doukhobor community in this process.  Please give a bit of background on the story, and tell us how this project was envisioned and completed.

EL: I was drawn to this project after spending much of my early adult years in the West Kootenay area of British Columbia. This is where the Doukhobour community settled after a long period of exile and immigration from Russia and forced movement across Canada. A breakaway sect of the Doukhobours, called the Sons of Freedom, undertook varying degrees of civil disobedience in the early 1950’s. In response, the Government of BC chose to house the sons and daughters of the Sons of Freedom in New Denver – a remote mountainous community that in those days was far removed from the communities in which their parents lived. Over a 5 year period hundreds of children were housed and schooled in a facility in New Denver. 

Doukhobor Commemorative Site

Our task as designers was to create commemoration that told the story in a fair and objective manner, but also reflected the heart wrenching and long lasting effects of the event. Given their communal lifestyle and importance of sharing bread, salt and water at community tables, we created a long community table that was “broken.” The seats around the table are smaller at one end and larger at the other. The plan also included large local stones upon which the first person narratives were to be inscribed. Unfortunately, and perhaps tellingly, this part of the design was never implemented. 

Doukhobor Commemorative Site

PM: Mountain View Cemetery one of the most progressive and culturally responsive cemeteries in North America.  In the past, I have interviewed Cemetery Manager Glen Hodges and Artist in Residence, Paula Jardine.  Now I have a new connection to Mountain View in you!  Mountain View is a cemetery that had run out of burial spaces, and as a result had lost it’s source of income and connection to the community of Vancouver.  What has been accomplished there is nothing less than remarkable, and your firm has been an important part of it.  The Masonic Area Redevelopment was the first of the cemetery’s 12 sections to be redeveloped, and in addition to creating more and varied interment options there, your firm created some remarkably attractive and inviting areas for people to spend time.  The beauty and scale of a cemetery section is vitally important because when families feel comfortable and inspired when visiting, they will return again and again.  This attachment to place is a great benefit to the survivor in continuing their relationship with the deceased, for the community, in having a sense of ownership in the cemetery, and for the financial future of the cemetery itself.

What thoughts and concerns went into the creation of this project?

Mountain View Cemetery Masonic Area Redevelopment

EL: You are correct in that Glen Hodges and Paula Jardine have been two of many keystones to the success of the re-development of Mountain View. Our role was to lead a group of design, heritage and financial consultants in creating the re-development plan, in collaboration with Glen. One of our primary concerns was to develop a design that was not just sympathetic to the very historic Masonic Area, but to enhance it in a sensitive, yet modern way. 

Mountain View Cemetery Masonic Area Redevelopment

We approached this through two primary routes. First we were very careful to integrate the design of the columbaria, family vessels and commemorative elements with the proposed new customer service building and celebration hall. We worked closely with Sandra Moore, Architect, on the landscape around the building and she worked closely with us on the improvements in the Masonic Area. The second strategy we used was to choose materials that worked beautifully with the grey granite curbs and headstones in the area. We took a disciplined, deliberate approach to the selection of material types, colours and textures which resulted in an elegant palette of granite, basalt, concrete and andesite. Cast and extruded aluminum further integrated the cemetery re-development with the buildings.

. 

Mountain View Cemetery Masonic Area Redevelopment

We also wanted to be sure the columbaria were specific to Mountain View, and so we designed a “rosette-less” system that is at once secure, convenient for field staff and beautiful. It also allowed us to optimize the number of interment options we were able to accommodate on the very narrow and limited road and pathways in this part of the cemetery. Collaboration with Glen and his team, combined with sensitivity to the site has led to a very meaningful and beautiful place.

Mountain View Cemetery Masonic Area Redevelopment

PM: Thank you for your time, Erik, and thank you for the remarkable projects your firm has created.  These memorials have inspired me and I hope that they will inspire other cemeteries and firms to be more creative and responsive in their work.  I invite my readers to visit Lees + Associates on the web to view more of their projects.

For more of the articles in this series, visit:

Columbarium Galleries and Cemetery Sculpture Gardens: Making Cemeteries Relevant, Part 4

Bicycles and Cemeteries: Making Cemeteries Relevant, Part 3

Innovation in Toronto

Feng Shui in Minnesota

Japanese Cemeteries Fill Up

While American Cemeteries Become Irrelevant