Christmas Graves

Christmas in the cemetery

Christmas is a time when families travel great distances to be together, to be 'home for the holidays'. It is also time when cemeteries blossom with decorations; sometimes, very elaborate decorations. Just as families may not see each other any other time during the year, a visit to place holiday decorations on a grave may be the only visit a family makes to the cemetery.

Trimming the tree

Whether we visit the cemetery every week, once a year, or every ten years, there is a great value in having a place to visit when we want to share a holiday, our good or bad news, or some quiet time with our departed loved ones. The grave allows us to be physically close to our loved ones when we feel the need to be close emotionally, and when we have no such place, we miss opportunities to continue our relationship.

Remembered

In our minds we know that we can speak to our dead just as easily a thousand miles from where their remains lie, but our hearts are accustomed to being close to our loved ones. And so we go, even if it's just once a year, so we can share this special holiday together.

Part of the Holiday too

Originally posted December 2009

Surviving Holiday Grief

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Holidays are a difficult time for those of us who are grieving. We all have an expectation of happiness and joy during the holidays that may be difficult to achieve even during the best of times. When we are grieving, this can be complicated even further. Sometimes we don't feel like celebrating with a deep loss in our thoughts. Sometimes we'd like to join in the festivities, but can't enjoy them. Sometimes the absence of our loved one and the void they have left in holiday traditions make these days almost unbearable.

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Here are some suggestions for surviving the holidays:

1. Start a new tradition

Take some special time together as a family or group of friends to remember the person you miss. Stories help to keep their memory alive and keep them a part of your holiday traditions. Something wonderful also happens when you share these stories. Because we all know a different part of a person, we have different stories and memories. When we share them we can all learn something new about the person we love- what a wonderful holiday gift!

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2. Revive an old tradition

Did mom always make cookies for Christmas? You might not make them as well as she did, but picking up that tradition and carrying it on can be healing and meaningful for you and the rest of the family. The tradition you choose to revive can be small and quirky or more elaborate, but don't try to take too much on at once. The point is to enjoy it and to keep the gift alive. Enlist family and friend to help you and remember your love done together while you do it.

3. Share

Do you wonder what to say to a grieving friend or relative during the holidays? Do you find yourself avoiding the topic of their loss? Here's an idea. Share one of your memories of the deceased, or tell about their impact on your life, or the way they helped someone else. You can't make things okay, and you shouldn't try. What you can do is acknowledge and empathise with your friend's situation. You can't do that if you ignore the loss or treat it like it's something inconsequential. This is something you can do in written form too. Write down your memories for a wonderful and lasting gift.