"I wish I'd spoken at my father's funeral"

Here is some great advice on giving eulogies from Olivia Mitchell. As she mentions, you only get one chance to do this, so don't pass it up if at all possible. A professional oration is never expected, but an honest, personal reflection can make a funeral meaningful and healing.

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I wish I’d spoken at my father’s funeral
October 26, 2008 by Olivia Mitchell
Being able to express yourself publicly at important ceremonies and celebrations - funerals, weddings, christenings and birthdays - is one of the greatest gifts.
My father died 10 years ago. I was going to speak at his funeral. But when we arrived at the church all I could see were the distinguished, CEO-looking men in the audience (my father was an international businessman). I felt intimidated and chose not to speak. That’s something I regret.
I’ll never turn down an invitation to give a eulogy again.
Don’t make the same mistake I made at my father’s funeral. If you’re given an opportunity to speak at a funeral or other family celebration, think of your regret if you don’t express yourself and your love for that person. On one side you’ll have your anxiety urging to stay quiet. On the other, you have your love for that person that that you would like to express publicly. Focus on the love, not the anxiety.

http://www.recess.ufl.edu/transcripts/2006/0223.shtml

Take the pressure offHere is some advice for taking the pressure off yourself as you prepare a eulogy or a speech for a family celebration.
1. You don’t have to provide an outline of their entire life. The best eulogies are a snapshot or series of snapshots of the person’s life. Comprehensive accounts of a person’s life are best left to written tributes and obituaries.
2. You don’t have to do a ton of research or talk to lots of other people. Give your own recollections and your own perspective about the person. In a forum thread on giving a eulogy the most repeated advice was to share your personal memories.
3. You don’t have to lie. Every person has some flaws. Don’t feel you have to avoid them. Be compassionately honest about the person - don’t idealize them. From the eulogy forum thread comes this beautifully written thought:
In the wan light of grief, annoying habits become endearing eccentricities; it feels good to honor the person who really lived, and not some idealized version that never existed.
4. You don’t have to make people laugh. Moments of levity and humour are fine, and even welcome during a funeral service. However, if humour doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t force it. A trivial detail which people can relate to is often all that is required:
The only thing I remember about my grandmother’s eulogy was the priest describing how he could always tell she was in line for the Eucharist, because he could hear the tinkling of the armful of bracelets she perpetually wore. It was such a wonderful detail that it captured so much about her — her faith, her style, her position in her church. It was a lovely detail and I remember how much we all smiled and laughed when the priest said it — a bit of joy in the midst of our grief.
5. You don’t have to get it exactly right. The exact words that you use and whether they come out right or not - is not important. This is not a business presentation. Nobody’s taking notes.
6. You don’t have to have a complicated structure. Here’s an easy formula for your eulogy or speech. Think of three qualities the person has. Talk about each quality with a short story or anecdote to illustrate each one.

-for the complete text visit http://www.speakingaboutpresenting.com/presentation-philosophy/funeral-speech-eulogy/

A Parking Lot: Dedication to Larry Burman

On August 30th, we held a ceremony dedicating the new parking lot at the Olson-Holzhuter-Cress Funeral Home in Stoughton, in the memory of a beloved employee and friend, Larry Burman. A parking lot may seem like an odd thing to dedicate, but as Pastor Richard Halom noted in his opening address, a well constructed parking lot may not be a glamorous thing like a bridge or an ocean liner, but it makes life nicer for everyone, and welcomes them in to where they are going. Larry was like that. He wasn't flashy and didn't need to be the center of attention, but his smile, wit and gentle helpfulness made difficult days easier for his co-workers and the families we serve.

The Rev. Richard Halom addresses the gathering of Larry's friends and family

In this business, there are many stressful deadlines and concerns, but nothing like that ever seemed to phase Larry. He was always smiling and in a good mood, and usually had some choice wise-cracks along the way. He took care of everything that needed to be done even before any of us thought to do it. We knew that if Larry was on the job, everything would go well, and we’d have a good time too. Larry wasn’t a funeral director, but he could certainly run a funeral better than most of the funeral directors out there. What always amazed me about Larry was how fast he moved - even though he suffered from arthritis. When he came to work in the morning it seemed like he was hopping out of his car and ready to go - even before the car came to a full stop. The only time I ever saw Larry upset was when he came in one day to tell us about the seriousness of his illness. He wanted so much to be around long enough to hold his new grandchild.

Following Pastor, I shared some memories of Larry and performed the dedication

Larry had a wonderful and humorous take on everything, and he referred to everything as a ‘doo-hinkus’. Larry had a sharp wit- he didn’t suffer foolishness, and you always knew how he felt about something, but it was always good natured, and he was willing to laugh at himself as well. One night, we were working a visitation, standing to the side and visiting, and Larry looked down towards the floor and started laughing. It seems that when he got up in the morning it must have still been dark, and he put on one brown shoe and one black one. He laughed about that for a long time and he even made a point to tell the family about it –which I know brightened up the evening for them.

Larry's Plaque and Monument sit in a garden planter in the parking lot

Larry had a great love for his family. He was always talking about them, and you could tell that he cared deeply for them. Larry’s wife Pat, and their children and grandchildren are wonderful people just like Larry. When Larry died, I can only imagine what his family was going through, but when we got out to his house, I’m not sure if I was helping the family through things, or if they were helping me, because that’s the kind of gracious giving people they are. I know that Larry loved them very much.

Gathering in the funeral home to share memories after the dedication

Because Larry was so good at so many things, he was always in great demand for all sorts of projects at all of the Cress locations. So, it was natural that he took the lead when we needed a new parking lot. We took a lot of bids to resurface in asphalt, but Larry was smart enough to realize when D.W. Nelson Concrete of Stoughton gave us a great bid for doing it in concrete, that this was the best choice in terms of quality and cost effectiveness for the long term. On Larry’s recommendation, we went with Nelson’s bid, and I know that Larry would have been very pleased with the work they did for us.

Larry's wife Pat, stands with me at the close of the service

And so, we found it fitting to dedicate our parking lot in the loving memory of our friend Larry Burman. The plaque that now rests in the garden planter area of the lot, generously donated by Wisconsin Monument of Stoughton, will be a reminder to us of Larry’s wonderful spirit; cheering us up as we go out to services, reminding us as we come back in the afternoon why we do this work, warming us with his memory as we stand out parking cars on the cold winter days, and in a special way, we know that Larry will still be the first one here in the morning.

Eulogy by Charles Bukowski

http://1heckofaguy.com/tag/eulogy/

Eulogy To A Hell Of A Dame

By Charles Bukowski

some dogs who sleep At night
must dream of bones

and I remember your bones

in flesh

and best

in that dark green dress

and those high-heeled bright

black shoes,

you always cursed when you drank,

your hair coming down

you

wanted to explode out of

what was holding you:

rotten memories of a

rotten

past, and

you finally got

out

by dying,

leaving me with the

rotten

present;

you’ve been dead

28 years

yet I remember you

better than any of

the rest;

you were the only one

who understood

the futility of the

arrangement of

life;

all the others were only

displeased with

trivial segments,

carped

nonsensically about

nonsense;

Jane, you were

killed by

knowing too much.

here’s a drink

to your bones

that

this dog

still

dreams about.

-from Heck of a Guy Blog http://1heckofaguy.com/tag/eulogy/ , thanks!